I thought I had endometriosis. But when I was 24 I found out I was pregnant. My boyfriend at the time was an unemployed recovering meth addict on parole. I was horrified. I couldn’t imagine having a child while working at a bagel shop. My partner was so happy and so was my mom that I almost kept the child. I decided I couldn’t stop my antipsychotics and anti anxieties and not work in order to have the child. When I went in for the abortion they gave me something that slowed me down but I felt every poke and prod. The procedure was quick but extremely painful. I threw up after. I live with ptsd from prior trauma and after the procedure I went numb. I disassociated for months. I also lived with pain for months. Nobody wants to give support so someone who gets an abortion. I felt like I had no one to talk to and that I had to act like nothing happened.

The baby would have been born around September. My birthday. It’s still hard to think about.