I was 17 when I did it, I am now 18 and carry a tremendous amount of pain. At the time I was on and off with who I thought was the love of my life. I remember the day I took the first pregnancy test, and I was in shock I just couldn’t believe that after years of hearing about teen pregnancy rates I had fallen victim to the percentage of teens who did become pregnant. My heart was broken and I had a flood of emotions. I called the father and asked if he could pick me up from school because I needed to talk to him. He picked me up and all his friends were in the car so I was in no position to tell him something so private so I kept it to myself. He dropped me off at my house and I could tell something was off. After he drove away I decided to do some snooping through his social media accounts and discovered he had for 3 months been telling me and another girl that he loved us. This was even more devastating because I was so head over heels in love, this was the person I really truly loved and saw myself marrying. I instantly sent him screenshots and impulsively sent him a picture of the positive pregnancy test, in response he called me panicking and what I think may have been crying begging me to tell him it wasn’t true. As much as I didn’t want it to be true it was true and I was in a horrible position. He never blatantly said abortion but it was very much implied. I was so in shock that I told my parents who were just as quick to jump to the conclusion that I would abort. I was in a numb state of mind so I let other people make a life decision for me. I put the life of my child into someone else’s hands and for this I will never forgive myself. I had to travel 2 hours to a clinic to have a surgical procedure, during this time we rented a studio home for 3 days for my sake. He drove me to the city in which I was having the procedure and we checked into the place we were staying. The day of my procedure I woke and got ready and there was an undeniable heaviness in the air but I felt as if the father felt only relief. The time came for me to get onto the table for my procedure and I had no idea what to expect. I was given a clear drug that made me very loopy and as my legs were straddled in the air I felt a sharp pain that caused me to scream out in pain and I said to the nurses that it hurt so bad as I was blubbering with tears and they simply said we know sweetie it’s almost over. I left the clinic feeling empty and broken and when the father drove me to place we were staying I was in so much pain that I turned the shower on, laid down on the tiles, and began to sob like a child. The pain I felt was unbearable, I got out of the shower and proceeded to get drunk. I told the father to be gone from my view because I couldn’t bear to look at him, I stepped out onto the patio, broke the wine bottle, and began making cuts along my wrist. It’s been 3 months and it feels as if it happened yesterday. I am filled with regret, remorse, and envy of teens I know who are carrying out their pregnancy term. I didn’t just lose my baby that day, I also lost the person I had loved for 2 years prior. I feel empty, the emotional and physical pain is something I relive every single day. Do not abort your child unless you really and truly have looked over every single last option. I did not do so, I made an impulsive decision based on what other people felt was right and not what I truly felt was right in my heart. Not a day goes by that I don’t cry and wish I had them both back.
Share your story here and it might be featured on the site.