I’ve always known that I do not want to be a mother. Always. As far back as I can remember- even as a child- I can remember having a clear picture of what I wanted in life and children were not a part of it. Don’t get me wrong- I love kids. I am a proud and active aunt to four great kids. I’m the auntie everyone goes to for a solution, the one they count on to pitch in and save the day. By nature, I’m extremely nurturing and so it seems to surprise anyone who asks when I frankly state: I do not want kids. No, thank you.
When I was 28, I was told that because of health issues, my chances of naturally conceiving were nearly non existent. But in late 2012, my partner of 10 years and I found ourselves pregnant.
Well, Of course we were shocked but we immediately agreed that an abortion was the best choice for us. We were happy, in love, with many plans for the future to travel, to move to Europe, to go back to school. Tie downs like buying a home or children weren’t a part of the dream. We were two responsible individuals who despite using birth control and despite the circumstances found themselves in this predicament.
Together, we spoke to a doctor about abortion, who told me immediately that the “child” I was carrying was basically a miracle and that thousands of woman would kill to be in my position. Still- she referred me to a clinic in town that would give me the information I needed should I decide to go down that route. It turns out that the “clinic” was in reality a “pregnancy crisis center”. There was nothing clinical, safe or in the least bit truthful about what happened there. I only had to be there twenty minutes to see it for what it was. I spent all of the time arguing with a woman who had no medical credentials but wanted me to have an ultrasound and then a sit down with a counselor. (who turned out to be a volunteer from a local church with again no experience or education). After that, my partner and I drove 7 hours, directly to Planned Parenthood. During the week and a half between the visit to the “clinic” and when I finally got into PP, I received 28 phone calls from the woman at the “clinic” where she reminded me that I was going against God’s will as he had created a miracle for me. All direct to Voicemail.
I got my abortion at 17 weeks. There were no complications and no, I don’t regret it. I wasn’t emotionally disturbed or scarred, nor have I suffered any further complications as a result. It was easy, painless and the care I received from the staff at PP was the best.
A year and a half after my abortion, my partner died of cancer. It came on suddenly, it was unexpected but we got to do all the travelling and living we wanted during those 17 months and 3 days. We never regretted it either- as a matter of fact, sometimes I completely forget it even happened as for me at least, my abortion was not a big deal except that it contributed to my ability to continue to have the life I always dreamed of.
When it does come up, there is always people who judge me harshly- after all, they think I aborted a miracle baby. I’ve even received criticism from people who call themselves pro choicers and my own mother has told me that if I hadn’t done it I would have something to remember him by- as if 11+ years together and all we built together weren’t something special and valuable.
I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that getting an abortion was one of the best decisions I have made and when the question does come up, of the unlikely scenario that god would grant me another miracle, I always firmly stand by my decision not to have children now or in the future. We are not all meant to be mothers and all women deserve the individual right to choose.
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