I have been with the love of my life for over four years. He is twenty-six and I was twenty-two at the time. Some time in the beginning of June I found out we were expecting, while in the bathroom of a local Target. As I sat there so many emotions came rushing in… disbelief, fear, panic and so much more. My first thoughts were ” I can not support a baby.” I then proceeded to tell my boyfriend of the news. I could not wait for him to get off work, so I told him right then and there. I could see the immediate joy in his eyes. Now my boyfriend and I had spoke about what ifs. And I was previously so excited to start a family with him. He is the best man I have ever known. It seemed to be so easy to say what would happen hypothetically. Yet there was so much doubt and disbelief in our financial state to raise a child. Without thinking any longer, I knew the answer was abortion, my boyfriend was completely supportive of either choice. Yet, Feeling so much guilt because of my religious background as being a Christian took such a toll on me. I was able to find an office to give me the medicinal abortion(with the shot and pills). I went alone to get the shot because the rescheduled me. I later on thought it was a sign to not go through with it, but all I could tell myself was “You two can not afford a baby.” Immediately after I received the shot, tears streamed down my face because I didn’t know if this permanent decision was what I wanted. I knew that my extremely supportive boyfriend would have loved either outcome. After all the pain from the pills have passed, nothing hurts more then when I think again of the what ifs. What if… we kept our baby. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of our little baby. I believe it is important to give women their choice especially with certain circumstances, but if I personally had the chance to re-do everything….I would be a happy 4-month pregnant anonymous twenty-three year old.
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