I never thought that I’d have an abortion. I was raised a Christian, who loved the Lord and wanted my life to reflect that. I was working and planning on going to get my Masters degree. I had a boyfriend who I loved and who loved me. Everything seemed in order. One night, when I was making love to my boyfriend we didn’t have a condom and decided to proceed anyways. I wish I could go back and stop us from continuing. To say, “just wait until you are safe.” In hindsight, all of this could have been prevented. No body talks about abortion in that way. No body talks about abortion period.
We had been dating six months, and I was head over heels. I ignored the signs of abuse that lingered in him and his family. I was an idealist who believed love conquered all. My boyfriend was manipulative and controlling by the time I found out I was pregnant. I pictured my life…no more graduate school, no more career, living in his grandmother’s attic, and abuse to me and my baby. I knew I could have it and try to get away, but it would be fear and endless court battles. What kind of life would my child have? I was so scared. I thought my life was over. I decided to get an abortion and to dedicate the remainder of my life to being a better person. On the day of the abortion, I ignored all of the ignorant rhetoric; knowing that those people are not me and in my shoes. I cried and the nurse asked if I was ok or regretted what had happened. I say no, and that I was crying tears of joy, because my life was not over anymore. I had a chance again. I removed the abusive boyfriend from my life, got a wonderful career, and husband who treats me well.
I have had my peace with God over time, which I prayed for. I know not everyone believes in a soul, but I do. I pray for that soul to forgive me and to still have the courage to be born. I pray that soul have a beautiful life, but it won’t be as my baby. I’m ok with that.
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